Raising Defiant Teens: The Parent's Grief Cycle

==> Join Online Parent Support

Adolescent Athletes & Performance-Enhancing Drugs/Supplements

If you're the mother or father of an adolescent athlete, your life is probably as busy as your son's or daughter’s. It's important, however, to make time to talk to your adolescent about the dangers of performance-enhancing drugs and supplements. By setting rules and consequences and explaining the possible health effects of drug use, you can help your adolescent steer clear of performance-enhancing drugs and supplements.

For adolescents, the most common performance-enhancing drugs and supplements include the following:

• Steroid precursors, such as androstenedione ("andro") and dehydroepiandrosterone (DHEA), are substances that the body converts into anabolic steroids. They're used to increase muscle mass. Most steroid precursors are illegal without a prescription. DHEA, however, is still available in over-the-counter preparations. Side effects of steroid precursors are similar to those for steroids.
• Creatine is a naturally occurring compound in the body that's also sold as an over-the-counter supplement. It's primarily used to enhance recovery after a workout and increase muscle mass and strength. Creatine is popular with athletes who participate in football, gymnastics, hockey and wrestling. Side effects include weight gain, nausea, muscle cramps and kidney damage. 
• Anabolic steroids are synthetic versions of the hormone testosterone, used to build muscle and increase strength. They're popular with football players and weightlifters. Use of anabolic steroids can cause heart and liver damage, can halt bone growth, and can result in a permanently short stature.

Some adolescents experiment with performance-enhancing drugs as a way to cope with insecurities, difficulties fitting in with a peer group, or a desire for independence. Others may be influenced by societal pressure to win at all costs.

Common risk factors for adolescent use of performance-enhancing drugs and supplements include:

• Pressure from moms and dads or peers regarding weight or muscles
• Being male (males are more likely to use performance-enhancing drugs and supplements than are females)
• Negative body image or a tendency to compare one's appearance with others
• Desire to gain muscle mass or strength

You can take various steps to prevent your adolescent from using performance-enhancing drugs and supplements or supplements. For example:

1. Monitor your adolescent's purchases. Check the ingredients of any over-the-counter products your adolescent uses. Watch for performance-enhancing drug paraphernalia, (e.g., vials, re-sealable plastic bags, hypodermic needles, etc.).
2. Get involved. Attend games and practices. Encourage your adolescent's coaches, school and sports organizations to discourage the use of performance-enhancing drugs and supplements. Reassure your adolescent of your love and support, regardless of his or her competitive performance.
3. Discuss ethics and proper training. Remind your adolescent that using a performance-enhancing drug is similar to cheating and, more importantly, could lead to serious health problems. Explain that a healthy diet and rigorous training are the true keys to athletic performance.
4. Be clear about your expectations. Tell your adolescent that you expect him or her to avoid performance-enhancing drugs and supplements. Set rules and explain the consequences of breaking them (e.g., if your adolescent uses performance-enhancing drugs and supplements, he or she has to quit the team).

Warning signs of performance-enhancing drug use:

• Needle marks in the buttocks or thighs
• Increased acne and facial bloating
• Enlarged breasts in males or smaller breasts in females
• Changes in body build (e.g., muscle growth, rapid weight gain, development of the upper body)
• Behavioral, emotional or psychological changes (e.g., increased aggressiveness)

If you suspect that your adolescent is using performance-enhancing drugs or supplements, talk to him or her. Encourage your adolescent to be honest with you. If your adolescent admits to using performance-enhancing drugs or supplements, encourage him or her to stop immediately and offer a reminder of the health risks. Make an appointment for your adolescent to see his or her doctor for a medical evaluation and counseling. Consider informing your adolescent's coach, so he or she is aware of the problem. In addition, be sure to tell your adolescent that you're disappointed and enforce the consequences that you've established (e.g., quitting the team). Most importantly, emphasize the healthy alternatives to achieving his or her goals.

 

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents

Preventing Alcohol Abuse in Your Teenager

Adolescents are particularly vulnerable to alcohol use. The physical changes of puberty might make your adolescent feel self-conscious and more likely to take risks to fit in or please others. Also, your adolescent might have trouble understanding that his actions can have adverse consequences. Common risk factors for underage drinking include:

• History of behavior problems or mental health conditions
• Family problems (e.g., marital conflict, parental alcohol abuse, etc.)
• Increased stress at home or school
• Transitions (e.g., the move from middle school to high school, getting a driver's license, etc.)

Whatever causes an adolescent to drink, the consequences may be the same. For example, underage drinking can lead to:

• Stunted development: Research shows that alcohol use may permanently distort an adolescent's emotional and intellectual development.
• Sexual activity: Adolescents that drink tend to become sexually active earlier and have sex more often than do adolescents who don't drink. Adolescents that drink are also more likely to have unprotected sex than are adolescents who don't drink.
• School problems: Adolescents that drink tend to have more academic and conduct problems than do adolescents who don't drink. Also, drinking can lead to temporary or permanent suspension from sports and other extracurricular activities.
• Being a victim of violent crime: Alcohol-related crimes can include rape, assault and robbery.
• Alcohol-related fatalities: Alcohol-related accidents are a leading cause of adolescent deaths. Drowning, suicides and murders also have been linked with alcohol use.
• Alcoholism: Individuals who begin drinking as adolescents are more likely to develop alcohol dependence than are those who wait until they're grown-ups to drink.

To increase your odds of having a meaningful discussion about alcohol abuse, choose a time when you and your adolescent are relaxed. Don't worry about covering everything at once. If you talk often, you might have a greater impact on your adolescent than if you have only a single discussion.  When you talk about underage drinking, you might include the following:

1. Ask your adolescent's views. Find out what your adolescent knows and thinks about alcohol.

2. Be prepared to discuss your own drinking. Your adolescent might ask if you drank alcohol when you were underage. If you chose not to drink, explain why. If you chose to drink, you might share an example of a negative consequence of your drinking. If you drink today, be prepared to talk about why social drinking is OK for you and not for your adolescent.

3. Debunk myths. Adolescents often think that drinking makes them popular or happy. Explain that alcohol can make you feel "high" but it's a depressant that also can cause sadness and anger.

4. Develop a strong relationship with your adolescent. Your support will help your adolescent build the self-esteem she needs to stand up to peer pressure and live up to your expectations.

5. Discuss reasons not to drink alcohol. Avoid scare tactics. Instead, explain the risks and appeal to your adolescent's self-respect. If you have a family history of alcoholism or drinking problems, be honest with your adolescent. Strongly discourage your adolescent from trying alcohol — even as an grown-up — since there's a considerable chance that your adolescent could develop an alcohol problem, too.

6. Encourage healthy friendships. If your adolescent's friends drink alcohol, he is more likely to drink, too. Get to know your adolescent's friends and their moms and dads.

7. Establish rules and consequences. Rules might include no underage drinking, leaving parties where alcohol is served, and not riding in a car with a driver who's been drinking. Agree on the consequences of breaking the rules ahead of time, and enforce them consistently.

8. Watch for signs of alcohol drinking and issue immediate consequences. If you suspect that your adolescent has been drinking (e.g., you've noticed mood changes or behavior problems, your adolescent has red or glazed eyes or unusual health complaints), then talk to her. Enforce the consequences you've established so that your adolescent understands that using alcohol will always result in a loss of privileges.

9. Know your adolescent's activities. Pay attention to your adolescent's plans and whereabouts. Encourage participation in supervised after-school and weekend activities.

10. Plan ways to handle peer pressure. Brainstorm with your adolescent about how to respond to offers of alcohol. It might be as simple as saying, "No thanks" or "Do you have any Mountain Dew?"

11. Set an example. If you drink, do so only in moderation and explain to your adolescent why it's OK for grown-ups to drink responsibly. Describe the rules you follow (e.g., not drinking and driving). Don't serve alcohol to anyone who's underage.

12. Share facts. Explain that alcohol is a powerful drug that slows the body and mind, and that anyone can develop an alcohol problem — even an adolescent without risk factors for alcohol abuse.

If you think your adolescent might have a drinking problem, contact the doctor or a counselor who specializes in alcohol problems. Adolescents that have alcohol problems aren't likely to realize it or seek help on their own.

 

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents

Eating Disorders: Tips to Help Your Teenage Daughter

Eating disorders can take a devastating toll on teenagers — especially females. To help your teenage daughter, learn the possible causes of eating disorders and know how to talk to her about healthy eating habits.

The exact cause of eating disorders (e.g., anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa, binge-eating disorder) is unknown. However, various factors might put adolescent girls at risk of developing eating disorders. For example:

• Favorite activities. Participation in activities that value leanness (e.g., wrestling, running, ballet) can increase the risk of teenage eating disorders.
• Low self-esteem. Teenagers that have low self-esteem might use their eating habits or weight loss to achieve a sense of stability or control.
• Personal factors. Genetics or biological factors might make some teenage girls more likely to develop eating disorders. Personality traits such as perfectionism, anxiety or rigidity might also play a role.
• Societal pressure. Modern Western culture tends to place a premium on being physically attractive and having a slim body. Even with a normal body weight, teenagers can easily develop the perception that they're fat. This can trigger an obsession with losing weight, dieting and being thin — especially for females.

At first, teenage eating disorders can cause signs and symptoms such as:

• Constipation
• Difficulty concentrating
• Dizziness 
• Fatigue 
• Menstrual irregularities
• Irritability
• Trouble sleeping
• Weakness

Eventually, teenage eating disorders can cause more-serious or even life-threatening health problems, including:

• Anemia
• Bone loss
• Delayed growth and development
• Depression
• Digestive problems
• Heart problems
• Muscle wasting
• Seizures 
• Suicidal thoughts or behavior 
• Thinning hair 
• Tooth decay

To help prevent teenage eating disorders, talk to your daughter about eating habits and body image. It might not be easy, but it's important. To get started, try these parenting tips:

1. Use food for nourishment — not as a reward or consequence. Resist the temptation to offer food as a bribe. Similarly, don't take away food as a punishment.

2. Share the dangers of dieting and emotional eating. Explain that dieting can compromise your daughter’s nutrition, growth and health, as well as lead to the development of binge-eating over time. Remind her that eating or controlling her diet isn't a healthy way to cope with emotions. Instead, encourage her to talk to loved ones, friends or a counselor about problems she might be facing.

3. Schedule a medical checkup for your teenager. The doctor can assess your teen's risk of an eating disorder, as well as order urine tests, blood tests or other tests to detect complications. Your daughter's doctor can reinforce the messages you're giving her at home, as well as help identify early signs of an eating disorder. For example, the doctor can look for unusual changes in your daughter’s body mass index or weight percentiles during routine medical appointments. The doctor can talk to her about her eating habits, exercise routine, and body image. If necessary, the doctor can refer your child to a mental health provider.

4. Remember the importance of setting a good example yourself. If you're constantly dieting, using food to cope with your emotions or talking about losing weight, you might have a hard time encouraging your teenage daughter to eat a healthy diet or feel satisfied with her appearance. Instead, make conscious choices about your lifestyle and take pride in your body.

5. Promote a healthy body image. Talk to your child about her self-image and offer reassurance that healthy body shapes vary. Don't allow hurtful nicknames or jokes based on a person's physical characteristics. Avoid making comments about another person based on weight or body shape.

6. If your teenager is diagnosed with an eating disorder, treatment will likely involve a type of family therapy that helps you work with daughter to improve her eating habits, reach a healthy weight, and manage other symptoms. Sometimes medication is prescribed to treat accompanying mental health conditions (e.g., depression, anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder, etc.). In severe cases, hospitalization might be needed.

7. If you suspect that your teenage daughter has an eating disorder (e.g., you've noticed baggy clothes to hide weight loss, or perhaps excessive exercise, or reluctance to eat meals with the family), then start the conversation about body image. Encourage your adolescent to open up about her problems and concerns.

8. Foster self-esteem. Respect your daughter’s accomplishments, and support her goals. Listen when she speaks. Look for positive qualities (e.g., curiosity, generosity, sense of humor, etc.). Remind your adolescent that your love and acceptance is unconditional — not based on her weight or appearance.

9. Encourage reasonable eating habits. Talk to your teenage daughter about how diet can affect her health, appearance and energy level. Encourage her to eat when she is hungry. Make a habit of eating together as a family.

10. Discuss media messages. Television programs, movies, websites and other media might send your teenager the message that only a certain body type is acceptable. Encourage your child to talk about and question what she has seen or heard — especially from websites or other sources that promote anorexia as a lifestyle choice, rather than an eating disorder.

 

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents

Help for Tired Teenagers: Tips for Parents

Adolescents are notorious for staying up late and being hard to awaken in the morning. If your teenage son or daughter is no exception, it's not necessarily because he or she is pushing the limits or fighting the rules. This behavior pattern actually has a physical cause and can be modified to improve your adolescent's sleep schedule.

Most adolescents need about 9 hours of sleep a night to maintain optimal daytime alertness. But few adolescents actually get that much sleep regularly thanks to factors like early-morning classes, extracurricular activities, homework, part-time jobs, social demands, and use of computers and other electronic gadgets. More than 90% of adolescents in a recent study published in the Journal of School Health reported sleeping less than the recommended nine hours a night. In the same study, 10% of adolescents reported sleeping less than six hours a night.

Sleep-deprived teenagers are more likely than their well-rested peers to report the following risky health behaviors:

• Drank alcohol
• Drank full-sugar soda at least once per day
• Had been in at least one physical fight
• Had feelings of sadness or hopelessness
• Participated in 60 minutes of physical activity fewer than twice in the preceding week
• Seriously considered attempting suicide
• Smoked cigarettes
• Spent 3 or more hours each day on the computer
• Used marijuana
• Was sexually active

Although this might seem like no big deal, sleep deprivation can have serious consequences. Tired adolescents can find it difficult to concentrate and learn, or even stay awake in class. Too little sleep also might contribute to mood swings and behavioral problems. Another major concern is drowsy driving, which can lead to serious — or even deadly — accidents.

Everyone has an internal clock that influences body temperature, sleep cycles, appetite and hormonal changes. The biological and psychological processes that follow the cycle of this 24-hour internal clock are called circadian rhythms. Before adolescence, these circadian rhythms direct most kids to naturally fall asleep around 8 or 9 p.m. But puberty changes an adolescent's internal clock, delaying the time he or she starts feeling sleepy — often until 11 p.m. or later. Staying up late to study or socialize can disrupt an adolescent's internal clock even more. The good news is that your adolescent doesn't have to be at the mercy of his or her internal clock.

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents

Tips to help your adolescent develop better sleep habits:

1. Adjust the lighting. As bedtime approaches, dim the lights. Then turn off the lights during sleep. In the morning, expose your adolescent to bright light. These simple cues can help signal when it's time to sleep and when it's time to wake up.

2. Curb the caffeine. A jolt of caffeine might help your adolescent stay awake during class, but the effects are fleeting — and too much caffeine can interfere with a good night's sleep.

3. Don’t use meds. Sleeping pills and other medications generally aren't recommended. For many adolescents, lifestyle changes can effectively improve sleep.

4. Keep it calm. Encourage your adolescent to wind down at night with a warm shower, a book or other relaxing activities. Discourage stimulating activities — including vigorous exercise, loud music, video games, television, computer use and text messaging — an hour or two before bedtime.

5. Know when to unplug. Take the TV out of your adolescent's room, or keep it off at night. The same goes for your adolescent's cell phone, computer and other electronic gadgets.

6. Nix long naps. If your adolescent is drowsy during the day, a 30-minute nap after school might be refreshing. Be cautious, though. Too much daytime shut-eye might only make it harder to fall asleep at night.

7. Stick to a schedule. Tough as it may be, encourage your adolescent to go to bed and get up at the same time every day — even on weekends. Prioritize extracurricular activities and curb late-night social time as needed. If your adolescent has a job, limit working hours to no more than 16 to 20 hours a week.

In some cases, excessive daytime sleepiness can be a sign of something more than a problem with your adolescent's internal clock. Other problems can include:

• Depression. Sleeping too much or too little is a common sign of depression.
• Insomnia or biological clock disturbance. If your adolescent has trouble falling asleep or staying asleep, he or she is likely to struggle with daytime sleepiness.
• Medication side effects. Many medications — including over-the-counter cold and allergy medications and prescription medications to treat depression and attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder — can disrupt sleep.
• Narcolepsy. Sudden daytime sleep, usually for only short periods of time, can be a sign of narcolepsy. Narcoleptic episodes can occur at any time — even in the middle of a conversation. Sudden attacks of muscle weakness in response to emotions such as laughter, anger or surprise are possible, too. 
• Obstructive sleep apnea. When throat muscles fall slack during sleep, they stop air from moving freely through the nose and windpipe. This can interfere with breathing and disrupt sleep. You might notice loud snoring or intermittent pauses in breathing, often followed by snorting and more snoring. 
• Restless legs syndrome. This condition causes a "creepy" sensation in the legs and an irresistible urge to move the legs, usually shortly after going to bed. The discomfort and movement can interrupt sleep.

If you're concerned about your adolescent's daytime sleepiness or sleep habits, contact his or her doctor. If your adolescent is depressed or has a sleep disorder, proper treatment can be the key to a good night's sleep.

 

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents

Teens and Texting Issues

Are you concerned about your teenager and all the texting he or she does? For many adolescents, text messaging has become a primary way to communicate with peers. As one mother stated, "It seems that my son is texting people all day and all night long. It's an addiction if there ever was one." A lack of maturity can get your adolescent into big trouble when texting, though. Help him or her to understand and avoid the risks associated with texting by using the following tips:

Cyber-bullying— Cyber-bullying refers to sending harassing texts, emails or instant messages, as well as posting intimidating or threatening content on websites or blogs.  Of course, cyber-bullying can make young people feel unsafe and might lead to school absences or other issues. It has even be a contributing factor to suicide in some cases. Encourage your adolescent to talk to you or another trusted grown-up if he or she receives harassing text messages. You might also suggest rejecting texts from unknown numbers. On the other hand, make sure your adolescent understands that it isn't acceptable to spread rumors or bully someone through texting. Remind him or her that any text message that is sent can be forwarded to anyone else, so it's important to use good judgment with every text.

Enforcing consequences— If your adolescent isn't willing to follow the rules and you've established, or if you're concerned that texting is interfering with his or her schoolwork or other responsibilities — take action! Remove your adolescent's ability to text or send pictures through his or her phone, or simply take the phone away. Remind your adolescent that having a phone is a privilege, not a right. Preventing potentially serious consequences outweighs any anger he or she is likely to exhibit.

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents

Monitoring messages— Sit down with your adolescent and look through his or her text messages occasionally, or let your adolescent know that you'll periodically check the phone for content. You might also review phone records to see when and how often your adolescent is sending and receiving texts.  As your adolescent gets older and engages with a larger group of people, it becomes even more important to monitor the messages.

Sexting— Sexting refers to sending a text message with sexually explicit content (e.g., naked pictures, pictures of people engaging in sexual acts, etc.). Even if sexting seems to be the norm among your adolescent's peer group, explain the emotional consequences of sexting to him or her. Sexting can be uncomfortable for the sender as well as the receiver. The possible long-term impact of sexting matters, too. A picture or message meant for one friend can be forwarded to an entire contact list at any time — and once it's in circulation, there's no way to control it. A photo or message could resurface years later under other circumstances, possibly causing great embarrassment – and even problems with work or school. Although laws may vary from state to state, make sure your adolescent understands that the possession of sexually explicit images of a minor is considered a crime. The consequences could be serious (e.g., a police record, suspension from school, legal action, etc.). You might say something like, “If you wouldn't be comfortable sharing the photo or message with the entire world, don't send it.”

Texting instead of sleeping— Texting after going to bed interferes with a good night's sleep, especially if the messages are stressful or emotional. This can lead to serious issues (e.g., lost sleep, difficulty falling asleep, poor sleep quality, daytime sleepiness, poor grades, etc.). Work with your son or daughter to establish reasonable hours for texting (e.g., no texting after 10:30 p.m. on school nights). To enforce the rule, you might keep your adolescent's cell phone out of his or her room at night.

Texting while driving— Research suggests that “texting while driving” is more than 20 times as dangerous as driving alone. Even more disturbing, texting is an even greater threat for young drivers than for older drivers, because teenagers are less likely to stop texting when faced with a difficult driving situation. Talk to your son or daughter about the consequences of texting while driving (e.g., getting a traffic ticket, serious or deadly accidents, losing driver’s license, etc.). Talking isn't enough, though. Set clear rules and consequences about texting and driving. Explain that texting while driving isn't allowed under any circumstances, and that driving and cell phone privileges will be revoked if your adolescent texts while driving. Remind your son or daughter that texting while driving is illegal in many states. To help your adolescent resist temptation while driving, you can suggest storing the cell phone out of easy reach in the car (e.g., in the glove compartment, tucked away in a purse or bag, etc.). Also, consider apps or other safety features that disable texting while driving.

 

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents

How To Help Your Teen Stop Smoking

Adolescent smoking is a BIG issue, because adolescents who smoke are likely to turn into grown-ups who smoke. If you find your adolescent smoking, take it seriously. Stopping adolescent smoking in its tracks is the best way to promote a lifetime of good health. Adolescent smoking might begin innocently, but it can become a long-term problem. Help your teenage son or daughter avoid taking that first puff, or to stop smoking if he or she has already started the habit.

Follow these parenting tips to help stop - or prevent - adolescent smoking:

1. Adolescent smoking can be a form of rebellion or a way to fit in with a particular group of peers. Some adolescents begin smoking to control their weight. Others smoke to feel cool or independent. Ask your adolescent how she feels about smoking and if any of your adolescent's friends smoke. Applaud your adolescent's good choices, and talk about the consequences of bad choices.

2. Adolescent smoking is more common among adolescents whose moms and dads smoke. If you don't smoke, keep it up. If you do smoke, quit — now. The earlier you stop smoking, the less likely your adolescent is to become a smoker. Ask a health professional about ways to stop smoking. In the meantime, don't smoke in the house, in the car or in front of your adolescent, and don't leave cigarettes where your adolescent might find them. Explain to your adolescent how unhappy you are with your smoking, how difficult it is to quit and that you'll keep trying until you stop smoking for good.

3. Adolescents can become addicted to nicotine surprisingly quickly — sometimes within just a few weeks of experimenting with smoking. While many adolescents who smoke think they can stop anytime, research shows this isn't usually true. When you talk to your adolescent about stopping smoking, ask if any of his friends have tried to stop smoking. Consider why they were — or weren't — successful. Then ask your adolescent which stop-smoking strategies he thinks might be most helpful.

4. Adolescents tend to assume that bad things happen only to other people. Most adolescents think cancer, heart attacks and strokes occur only in the abstract. Use loved ones, friends, neighbors or celebrities who've been ill as real-life examples.

5. Although nicotine replacement products (e.g., nicotine gums, patches, inhalers or nasal sprays) weren't designed for adolescents, they might be helpful in some cases. Ask your adolescent's doctor which options might be best for your adolescent.

6. Although the consequences of smoking (e.g., cancer, heart attack and stroke) are real, they're probably beyond the realm of your adolescent's concern. Rather than lecturing your adolescent on the long-term dangers of smoking, ask your adolescent what she considers the negative aspects of smoking. Once your adolescent has had her say, offer your own list of negatives.

7. Celebrate your adolescent's success. You might offer a favorite meal for a smoke-free day, a new shirt for a smoke-free week, or a party with nonsmoking buddies for a smoke-free month. Rewards and positive reinforcement can help your adolescent maintain the motivation to stop smoking for good.

8. Contact a tobacco-cessation specialist. A tobacco-cessation specialist can give your adolescent the tools and support she needs to stop smoking. Some hospitals and local organizations offer stop-smoking groups just for adolescents. You might look for adolescent groups online, too. Web-based programs can also provide support for your adolescent whenever she needs it.

9. Encourage your adolescent to write down why he wants to stop smoking. The list can help your adolescent stay motivated when temptation arises.

10. Help your adolescent choose a date to stop smoking. Avoid placing the stop date during a stressful time (e.g., during final exams).

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents

11. If your adolescent feels pressured to smoke, encourage him to get involved in new activities. Making new friends who don't smoke could make it easier to avoid friends who aren't willing to stop smoking.

12. If your adolescent has already started smoking, avoid threats and ultimatums. Instead, find out why your adolescent is smoking, and discuss ways to help your adolescent quit.

13. If your adolescent slips, remain supportive. Congratulate your adolescent on the progress she has made so far, and encourage your adolescent not to give up. Help your adolescent identify what went wrong and what to do differently next time.

14. Instead of getting angry, be curious and supportive. Ask your adolescent what made her start smoking. Perhaps your adolescent is trying to fit in at school, or maybe your adolescent thinks that smoking will help relieve stress. Sometimes adolescent smoking is an attempt to feel cool or more grown-up. Once you understand why your adolescent is smoking, you'll be better equipped to address smoking as a potential problem — as well as help your adolescent eventually stop smoking.

15. Most adolescents believe occasional smoking won't cause them to become addicted and that, if they become regular smokers, they can stop smoking anytime they want. Adolescents, however, can become addicted with intermittent and relatively low levels of smoking. Remind your adolescent that most adult smokers start as adolescents. Once you're hooked, it's tough to quit.

16. Participate in local and school-sponsored smoking prevention campaigns.

17. Peer pressure to smoke might be inevitable, but your adolescent doesn't need to give in. Help your adolescent practice saying, "No thanks, I don't smoke." Peers who smoke can be convincing, but you can give your adolescent the tools he needs to stay away from people who smoke. Rehearse how to handle tough social situations. It might be as simple as walking away from friends who are puffing away.

18. Prompt your adolescent to calculate the weekly, monthly or yearly cost of smoking. You might compare the cost of smoking with electronic devices, clothes or other items your adolescent considers important.

19. Remind your adolescent that if she can hold out long enough — usually just a few minutes — the nicotine craving will pass. Suggest taking a few deep breaths. Offer sugarless gum, cinnamon sticks, toothpicks or straws to help your adolescent keep her mouth busy.

20. Smokeless tobacco, clove cigarettes and candy-flavored cigarettes are sometimes mistaken as less harmful or addictive than are traditional cigarettes. Adolescents also often think that water pipe smoking is safe. Nothing could be further from the truth. Don't let your adolescent be fooled.

21. Smoking isn't glamorous. Remind your adolescent that smoking is dirty and smelly. Smoking gives you bad breath and wrinkles. Smoking makes your clothes and hair smell, and it turns your teeth yellow. Smoking can leave you with a chronic cough and less energy for sports and other enjoyable activities.

22. Support efforts to make public places smoke-free and increase taxes on tobacco products.

23. Talk with your adolescent about how tobacco companies try to influence ideas about smoking (e.g., through advertisements or product placement in the movies that create the perception that smoking is glamorous and more prevalent than it really is).

24. You might feel as if your adolescent doesn't hear a word you say, but say it anyway. Tell your adolescent that smoking isn't allowed. Your disapproval will have more impact than you think. Adolescents whose moms and dads set the firmest smoking restrictions tend to smoke less than do adolescents whose moms and dads don't set smoking limits. The same goes for adolescents who feel close to their parents.

25. Consider appealing to your adolescent's vanity. Smoking:

• causes wrinkles
• gives you bad breath
• leaves you with a hacking cough
• makes your clothes and hair smell
• turns your teeth and fingernails yellow
• zaps your energy for sports and other activities

 

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents