ONLINE PARENTING COACH

The National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse (CASA) at Columbia University reported in their sixth annual national teen substance abuse survey that parents who are "'hands-on' – parents who have established a household culture of rules and expectations for their teens' behavior – raise children who are less at risk of smoking, drinking and using drugs." In addition, they said "Contrary to conventional wisdom, teens in 'hands-on' households are more likely to have an excellent relationship with their parents than teens with 'hands-off' parents." The survey concluded that, "parents should be parents to their teenagers, not pals." Behavior contracts are one of the simplest but most overlooked techniques available to help parents through the difficult preteen and teenage years. When used properly, written contracts can be incredibly successful in preventing or stopping unwanted behavior. Behavior contracts work because ...

Hi Mark I need help... My son is 14 and I am finding it extremely difficult to live with him...a lot of the time he is disrespectful and rude, he has told me in the past that he can do what he wants and a lot of the time he does...When he is getting something or things are going his way he is nice as pie but if not... who knows??? We do have some good times, but it feels like most of the time there are problems...When he was on a curfew he was home a lot in the evenings we enjoyed cooking together and sometimes he helps around the house especially if he wants money. He has stolen money from me, stolen bottles of alcohol, he has been taken to the hospital twice for being inebriated. He has been out for days an end without letting me know where he is...He even stole my car one night... One time along time ago he pulled a knife on me, he has smashed in our front door...he has scratched graffiti into lots of doors windows, etc... around our apartment. He has torn up photos o...

I understand what you are saying and I agree with your analysis. This is what we did for many years when E___ was very small. I never felt safe leaving the 2 kids alone. The last few days I have been successful in keeping my 'poker face' although i see that I have to work on being consistent and keeping to the said consequence. Here is a scenario that just played out. My kids say I am being unfair. Could you please give me some feedback and any advice? This afternoon I was taking my kids B___ 11 yo (the intense one) and E___ 7 yo to the grocery store and said we would get an ice cream. As I stopped for gas they got into an argument and started hitting and punching each other. I have recently put into place a consequence of a half hour in their room for any throwing or physical violence. So I said that we would have to go home so they could have their time out. After I finished paying I came back and they were calm and had 'made up' as they called it. (This is w...

Hi Mark, My out of control teen is staying with family over the summer and won't be back till three days before the start of school. He stays with a disciplinarian uncle who has a 15-year old son who is close to Daniel. His uncle's observation of him is that he is a very smart kid who will manipulate anyone he can. He is a very good kid there, listens very well, and follows the rules well. According to family, he gained some weight, well-groomed and his looks is so improved. I don't talk to him much because I want him to absorb all the discipline there. When he gets back, I intend to make a fresh start for us. He will be in 8th grade. I will spell in much more clear terms the rules, expectations and the consequences. His being disrespectful, poor grades and bad attitude is what gets to me. I intend to address these with him. Any suggestions? Thank you, L. `````````` Please refer to the Q & A page: Emails From Parents

THIS IS ABOUT MY 10 YEAR OLD GRANDSON WHOM I HAVE BEEN WITH ALMOST EVERY DAY SINCE HE AND HIS TWIN SISTER WERE BORN. FOR B_____, THERE HAVE BEEN MANY PSYCHIATRIC VISITS AND ONE RECENT HOSPITALIZATION AT A PROMINENT CHILD PSYCH FACILITY, YET NOTHING HAS EVER BEEN GIVEN TO HELP THOSE CAREGIVERS WHO ARE WITH B____ MOST OF THE WAKING DAY. YOUR BOOK WAS THE FIRST. I PERUSED IT THIS WEEK AND GOT: 1ST - HAVE A POKER FACE WHEN DEALING WITH THIS CHILD BECAUSE "CONVENTIONAL METHODS DO NOT WORK." 2ND - DON'T ARGUE - LET IT BE A "TEMPER TANTRUM" NOT A 2-WAY FIGHT …AND, OF COURSE, I MARKED MANY, MANY PAGES. THERE IS, THANKFULLY, ATTENTION NOW BEING GIVEN TO RESEARCH IN YOUTH PSYCHIATRY. WELL, NO QUESTION NOW, JUST THANK YOU. J.B. My Out-of-Control Teen

Mark, I just found your website and am very interested. I received your eBook last night and started reading it. You have written it for me! My 13 year old son and I have a meeting with his probation officer this afternoon, between him and your online support I have some hope. K___ has been seeing counselors for the past 4 years. He has never done well in a school setting. He does not get along well with other kids and has real issues with authority. All of his behaviors I either thought could be managed or he would outgrow. Instead things have escalated. He is an angry young guy and I just don't understand him most of the time. He lies most of the time and when we do talk I don't know what is real and what isn't. At the same time that I am so frustrated with him, I also know that there is a very sensitive and caring person in him. He is very talented artistically and has a very creative mind. Pointed in the right direction, he will do awesome things. I just need ...

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents

"Hi Mark, I was quite impressed with what I read [in your eBook] and realize that I need to get more consistent with my kids (aged 11 and 7). My 11 yo daughter is the strong-willed one. One question I have is how to deal with their fighting. My daughter likes to have constant interaction and even when my son (7) wants to be by himself, she walks by and tries to provoke him, or bully him into playing - anything to get a response. He finally blows up and throws something at her and she claims she did nothing. Often they do play well together, but just as often they bicker, hurl insults, and physically hurt each other. We have gone through phases of ignoring it, sitting them down and trying to get them to work things out (never worked) …now we just send both of them to their rooms for a half an hour or an hour. What is the best tactic? Thanks, L." ```````````````````````````` Hi L., This may not be true in your case, but what I find most often with parents who say ...

Initially I signed on as a teacher looking for signs and strategies to deal with high school-age students. I am now seeing some of the behaviours I was afraid of in my own son, now 13. This weekend we were invited to a family friend's cottage. They gave him several gifts, but when we returned home, it appears as if he may have stolen from them. Specifically, the boys (adults and children) went out fishing. My son borrowed a fishing lure from our host and caught a nice fish with it. The next day the lure was in his tackle box. When confronted he denied stealing it and claimed it must have been a mix-up. Maybe he put his in our host's tackle box and kept the host's. We made him call the owner a report the "mistake" and make arrangements to make the exchange the next time we were in town. Despite all opportunities to confess his wrongdoing he maintains that he is innocent. I don't believe it. What do I do next? K. `````````````````` You've done all you need ...

Teen Pregnancy: The Pros & Cons of Abortion In the U.S., ‘teen’ abortion accounts for nearly 20% of all procedures of this nature. The average age of those receiving abortions is dropping from 19 to 17. Although the teen pregnancy rate has declined in the United States over the last ten years, the percentages have actually increased. Teens are more likely to: (a) make a snap judgment and try to cover up their pregnancy from their parents by having an abortion; (b) to report having wanted to keep the baby, higher levels of feeling misinformed in pre-abortion counseling, less satisfaction with abortion services and greater post-abortion stress; and (c) use immature coping strategies such as projection of their problems on to others, denial, or "acting out." Teens who abort are: (a) 2 to 4 times more likely to commit suicide than adults who abort (a history of abortion is likely to be associated with adolescent suicidal thinking); (b) more likely to develop psychologic...

Mark, Thanks for the email. My son made somewhat of an about-face-turn a couple of months ago. Things aren't always perfect everyday, but he seems to have really grown. My being patient & truly listening seemed to make him respect me more. He has made a lot of promises that I intend to help him keep. He promises to do much better in school his last two years. He has some making up to do. But I have no doubt he will pull through. I allowed the purchase of another vehicle, a 1996 Mustang, as he thought he had a job, through a friend of his, but the job didn't happen. He knows I can't afford another vehicle 100% & his dad doesn't help a whole lot, so I try to keep him positive in continuing in his job search. His part in it will be to repay me half, $2000. I work about 45 minutes from home, so another vehicle really was needed when he does find one. And too, I figured it would give him something to appreciate since he seems to be making wiser choices. The other nig...

HI Mark, Thanks for checking in. Life is okay for now. We booted our oldest daughter out after the party in the house, she is now living in an apartment with a friend, so things have really gotten better at home, not having that stress. She seems to be doing okay. I don’t like her partying, but she is starting college in the fall and will be working, so hopefully that will tone down. I do have a question. I have a 12 year old daughter at home now, that is wonderful don’t get me wrong. But I was curious, when I am issuing her a consequence she rolls her eyes and looks away very upset with arms crossed and often storms out of the room and slams her door. Is this something that I should have an issue with? She follows through with the consequences that have been issued, but I just wonder how much I should make of the door slamming and eye rolling. Thanks for your advice. P. ``````````````````````` Hi P., I would put the “eye-rolling/door slamming” in a file named Don’t Fight...