Posts

My son refuses to go to school...

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Hi Mark, Thanks for your good advise. It’s really helping. We have hit a stumbling block as my son refuses to go to school and this keeps happening. We have taken away all privileges (phone computer TV, etc) He then went and punched his younger brother and hurt him for no reason whilst he was sitting peacefully to bait a reaction from me. When I asked why his answer was that he just did. I then extended the discipline saying that it would start again tomorrow. Today again he refused to go to school. However the issue that worries me at the moment is that I see that he has been taking some sleeping pills as he says that he can’t sleep at night. I am really worried and do not Know what to do. He is very angry at us and explosive all the time. The first two weeks have been going really well and then It started all other again. Please help, I.D. ```````````````````````````````````````````````` Emotional distress about attending school may include anxiety, temper tan...

My husband wants to forbid her from seeing him...

Thank you for getting back to me. As a matter of fact, I have been doing just as you stated. She does see him [boyfriend] under certain conditions and supervision. I'll continue to keep practicing your suggestions and hope for the best. I have been working with your program and I have to say, it is giving me confidence and I find myself looking forward to sitting down and reading the material. I keep repeating those things like "let go and let God". I'm beginning to believe that it is me who has to change my parenting role, now that I am dealing with a budding young adult. Question: Should I sit down with her and just tell her that I acknowledge her feelings for this boy and that it is time for me to trust her, but that she and I need to agree on some parameters for seeing him? My husband wants to forbid her from seeing him, so now I have two problems. I can handle my husband, but I want to keep peace with everyone. Thank you again, T. ```````````````````````...

This is just as much about my "self discovery" as a person and as a parent as it is about my daughter...

Hi Mark, I just signed up for the Online Parent Support and have just completed Week #1. After years of misbehaviour and conflict I took my daughter (just turned 11) to see a Pediatrician, on the recommendation of my family physician. After my first visit and interview with the Pediatrician, I was told that "if you look up ODD in the dictionary, you would likely see a picture of your daughter". We talked a little about this disorder and when I left his office I actually felt some relief that there was a reason my daughter behaves the way she does. When I got home I went onto the internet wanting to find out as much as possible about this disorder so I could have a better understanding what was going on with her. During my research, I found your Online Parent Support website. As I read through some of the information, I thought this was exacting what I was looking for. When I signed up for the course I was desperate for answers as to why my daughter behaves and re...

I am already seeing an amazing and positive difference...

Mark- I am only on the second week of your program, but I am already seeing an amazing and positive difference in my daughter. We have struggled with her behavior since she was 9 months old. I was humbled and astounded to learn that I was a big part of the problem in the way that I was reacting to her. We actually have some peace in our home and she even hugs us and says “I love you” on a regular basis. She has even begun apologizing for getting angry and being unreasonable. The next step is to help her bring her grades up and stay out of trouble at school. I have every confidence that we have turned a corner and I’m referring everyone I know to your program. Thank you! T.E.

Online Parent Support

Greetings Mark- I am a social worker who delivers programs for parents and teens in conflict within their family. I am interested in your book, however, I would like to know if it would be applicable in a group setting. I work with the parents in one group and female teens in another group. I would like to know whether you have assessment/ evaluation tools for each person in the family. Each person does a personal evaluation at the beginning of the program and again at the end. I am looking for a comprehensive, easily understood tool. I thank you for considering my request and look forward to hearing back from you. Barbara Thomas Family Enhancement Program `````````````````````` Hi Barbara, Yes. It is applicable to a group setting. That's how I use it every week. My group is called the Parent Support Group. The online version, Online Parent Support (OPS), is the online version of the program. Re: assessment tool. I only do a post-assessment and would be glad to offer that sh...

He pee'd in the tub...

Mr. Hutten, We purchased your online e-book/course. Initially, my husband and I were concerned that our son, R, who is twelve, did not fit the "profile" of an out-of-control teen. We were motivated to seek outside help and guidance due to the negative attitude we felt we were experiencing with R. This was primarily a talking back issue where R would continually "talk back" to us, mutter under his breath, and be purposely disagreeable. Additionally we saw problems of him thinking that he was smarter then everyone else, not doing schoolwork because he thought it was dumb, then lying to us when confronted by the bad grades. We've started to review your material, but aren't sure how to incorporate it into our family dynamic. We are writing this email because a recent incident has led us to believe that he is in jeopardy of becoming an "out-of-control teen." It's a very bizarre incident where R, while having a guest over to play the o...

He has obviously worked out what I'm doing & is not happy about it....

Hi, This afternoon I told my 11y/o son that if he went out without my permission he would be grounded for 3 days. His reply was "why 3 days?" "Is it because of the new site you have in your favourites on the computer?" (We share the one computer.) I told him we would talk about it later. How should I deal with this? Is it OK for him to know that I am getting help from you? He has obviously worked out what I'm doing & is not happy about it. He has asked several times about it whilst throwing daggers at me with his eyes. How much should I tell him? I have always been as honest as possible with him, without being stupid of course. I have just started putting week 2 into practice but already I am seeing a huge difference. I don't think I've yelled once in the last 9 days & I feel much more relaxed. After not turning off the computer this morning when asked, I turned it off for him, I got yelled at (I stayed calm & quiet). ...

Teens & Tobacco Use

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Hi Mark,  We’ve been using your e-book strategies and they have been extremely helpful. Thank you. What does one do when your child is smoking cigarettes (tobacco)?  Regards, S. __________ Hi S., Teens seem to be more abrasive when smoking, or they feel like they are older and wiser when they smoke. We now see a lot of teen smokers giving each other rewards in social aspects such as conversations, companionship, and other common social contacts.  Research has proven the fact that nicotine has the ability to suppress feelings, suppress appetite for food, is used as stimulation after sex, and is a good way to relax from troubles and feelings of insecurities.  Teens like to act as if they are someone special or dangerous. By smoking, they can act on those feelings. Because it is so forbidden, it becomes more alluring to teens. The problem is that when they take that first puff, they can become addicted. The idea that they are breaking the law or go...

I have an out of control 16 year old daughter...

"Hi I'm Yvonne and I have an out of control 16 year old daughter. For the past year and a half we have been having issues on a weekly bases with our daughter. I will fill you in quickly on some of the things that we have been dealing with over this time.....   ==> Click here for full article.

What do you advise when it comes to school? Do we let him fail?

Hi Mark I need your advice if this is appropriate. My son is 17 and should be graduating this year. He has skipped 60% of his classes this year and has done no homework so is failing all subjects. He is now scrambling, although again with the smallest amount of effort required and he continues to take short cuts and do the bare minimum to get on the grad list. We have always “nagged” for a lack of better terms for him to do his homework and of course, he did the opposite. We are using incentives to get him to go to class (car privileges) and some additional perks for assignments to get done. When he can’t meet the goal, he says we are the worst parents etc… and you know how that goes. I am stupid and an idiot and standing in his way of graduating. What do you advice when it comes to school? Do we let him fail? He just is not capable of doing this on his own. One small example: His packsack has been in his friends car for a week. At the same time and he wants a $30 dollar hai...

He starts pushing me around...

Hi Mark, The first couple of weeks of trying your strategies seemed to be working. But a couple of days ago my teen started acting out again. He starts pushing me around, kind of his way of looking for a fight. I tried to keep as calm as possible and I left the house for a class. I came back and my son had left the house with a note saying that he went by his dad's (which he hasn't been by for 2 years and refuses to go) and that if that doesn't work out, then he is going to kill himself (which he has been saying for a long time now and even admits that he is just saying that). I called him on his cell the night he took off and he said he was by Grandma's house (where he normally runs to) and said the reason he left is because I took away his freedom (I started taking a class and this was my 2nd week and he has to stay in the house while I am gone). Please advise. Thanks, L. ``````````````````````` Hi Linda, It is going to be nearly impossible to keep him “in the ho...

When Your Teen Makes False Claims That You Are Abusive

"My out of control teen has a set of grandparents and a family that she has convinced I am completely abusive to her. I have been turned into the authorities four times now from false allegations and have a meeting for a 'home visit' tomorrow with the latest investigation case worker. My daughter wants to go live with the grandparents and will do whatever it takes to get removed from my care. My concern is a co-worker I know has a similar situation. Her son turned his mom in making abuse allegations. They didn't 'stick' so the second time he turned her in for alleged abuse he made marks on his body and called saying his mom was abusing him. It stuck that time and his mom, who wouldn't hurt a flea, is now on probation for 17 months for the abuse allegations. When do I throw in the towel? I am very worried this is going to go the same way for me.......not if but when." Click here for my response... COMMENTS: •    Anonymous said...