Posts

Explosive Kids & Low Frustration Tolerance

Image
The term “explosive kids’ is used to describe easily frustrated, chronically inflexible, explosive children. While many of these kids carry a variety of diagnoses, parents often tell us that the term “explosive kids” better describes their youngster’s struggles. In addition, many find that it also provides a framework for understanding and alleviating the difficulties with which they present. This will become more evident as you review the following in-depth description. What does a youngster described as “inflexible-explosive” look like? Mark Hutten, M.A. provides a helpful list of criteria: Common Characteristics of Inflexible-Explosive Kids-- 1. While other kids are apt to become more irritable when tired or hungry, inflexible-explosive kids may completely fall apart under such conditions! 2. The tendency to think in a concrete, rigid, black-and-white manner. The youngster does not recognize the gray in many situations ("Mrs. Robinson is always mean! I hate he...

Parents & Resentment Flu

Image
Mark- After I sent you the e-mail and had the chance to review your response I sat and did some soul searching. I am struggling with some of the things that I am required to do. Not because I do not wish to comply, but because I am so badly hurt from the years of defiant behavior, lying, and stealing. I forgave him the best I could throughout the years and he turned around and did the same things repeatedly. Sometimes telling me that he hears things in his head and others because he can’t help himself. In my last e-mail to you I described one of our worst physical encounters with B__ and there have been many. My only regret was that we did not call the police on him that night instead of allowing it to escalate the way it did. Yesterday I was met by someone from child protective services accompanied by a police officer. B__ has threatened us with this before and we have feared it since it poured off of his lips. He states that my husband punched and bruised him. I can...

Helping Children With Curfew

"Dear Mark: My daughter is asking to extend her curfew. It seems she can fight whatever. Would you please help me and let me have a strategy to have the curfew settle down. Thanks & Best Regards! F." Click here for my response...

Adult Children Who Don't "Leave the Nest"

Image
What To Do When an Adult Child Moves Back Home (or has never left)… Have your adult kids returned to the nest? Are you ready to help them get back on their feet? Are you prepared to lay down rules and protect your own financial stability? Whether they live under your roof or not, your adult kids are just that: adults. They have the right to be treated as such, just as you have the right to expect them to act as such. Because they are adults, the rules you can appropriately have over their life and their conduct is significantly different from those you had while they were underage. House Rules Versus Running-Their- Life Rules: This is where it gets tricky. Moms & dads love their kids. They want the best for them. When they see their kids clearly making mistakes and bad choices, they immediately want to intervene. The key is to remember that they are adults now and they have the right to make the choices they make as well as face the consequences, good or bad, of t...

Teaching Oppositional Defiant (ODD) Students

My daughter has ODD and been suspended 9 times this year. Her school doesn't seem to be giving her any support, just suspending her. She is getting really upset as she thinks everyone is giving up on her. What can the school do to help? ````````````````````````````` Teaching Oppositional Defiant (ODD) Students— If you are a teacher who finds that "nothing works" to manage some students, this article may help. It's way past time for you to learn about ODD, Oppositional Defiant Disorder. In college, you probably got very little training on basic mental health, but if you've been teaching for more than five minutes, you know that little bit of training wasn't enough. Here's just a quick peek at what they should have taught you in college about basic juvenile mental health. WHAT DOES "OPPOSITIONAL-DEFIANT" MEAN? "Oppositional-Defiant" is a mental health diagnosis that describes kids that have consciences but someti...

Parents & Power Struggles

We see the main problem is he has turned on us... he is angry and is baiting us... he just came in from soccer and hit me with a tirade of swearing. He was angry because he wanted takeaway food and he was told that there was food at home. He has now taken off – it is 11pm. How do we make him realise that he needs to conform to our rules. He has no friends and we are the only people who support him. The punching of the walls and threatening to tell people that his father rapes him etc are just his way of punishing us. Will keeping the screws on him keep making the situation worse or will it eventually break him? Click here for my response...

Why are so many children becoming violent and committing murder?

Image
Mark- My question is: Why are children so violent these days. We had a murder here (15-year-old killed a 17-year-old after school)... and now this threat in our small town school ! Why are so many children becoming violent …why are so many committing murder? J. ```````````````````````````````````` Hi J., The reasons for the rise in kids committing murder are multi-faceted. You can't blame it on the school, and you can't blame it on the family, the breakdown of religion or the availability of guns. It is not that simple. It is usually a combination of things. Behavior is multi-determined. There are a lot of different reasons for behavior. However, some aspects of gang-related violence suggest that some kids are very psychopathic. They are just criminally-minded kids. The way some kids solve conflict is with weapons. Some kids are young predators. Also, kids tend to murder in groups. Remember, teenagers tend to do everything together. For example, if on...

Parent Dealing With Difficult Teacher

My son is a brilliantly gifted 15 year old that is a total underachiever in school. He is currently expelled for having a knife at school and is attending a special program for such students. He is of course underachieving and not doing his work at this program. The relationship with him and his current teacher has gone downhill as she is trying to micro manage him. For example, today she got upset because he was using the computer to print out a time sheet for the community service that he was going to after school. I have tried to explain to him that he needs to listen to her as she holds the key to his future, at the moment (she decides if he passes or not). I found out today that she told my son maybe he belongs in a juvenile facility. Being a child and youth worker who has worked in such facilities, I can say with all confidence that my son does not belong in jail. He also told me that she has previously told him that he has ODD. I do not know her credentials and doubt that ...