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Do you find yourself getting sucked into a power struggle over homework and/or chores with your teenager? A lot of moms and dads tell me that this is one of their main, ongoing battles. If this is the case with you, you may have, for example, abandoned the statement, "Okay it's time for you to get off the computer and do your homework" ... because that request usually results in an argument. Dealing with homework battles can be one of the most stressful things parents have to deal with while raising unruly, and often a responsible, teenagers. Unfortunately, too many parents take on more responsibility for homework than their child does. When this happens, it's the beginning of many years of homework battles. The teenager has learned that he can push off the responsibility for doing homework, and then his parents will take over. Not that the parents will literally complete the homework for the teenager, but they will nag, lecture, threaten, plead and beg -- all...

As a youngster grows into an adolescent, parents often discover that their usual disciplinary methods are no longer effective. Many parents come to realize that they are no longer “in charge” – and that positive change needs to happen soon as their teenager is seemingly on a course of self-destruction. When old disciplinary techniques no longer work, the parent may be tempted to try and be her teen's “friend” in a last ditch effort to maintain the peace. But, even when teens are rebelling, they still need the parent to be the parent (not a “buddy”) and let them know what the rules and boundaries are. Adolescents need to figure out what being a young adult means for them, and this will inevitably lead to some clashes with the parent. If the parent’s way of setting boundaries used to be to “lay down the law” with her children (e.g., to insist, “Because I said so!”), she may find it more difficult now with her teenagers. It's much easier to exert pressure on youngsters wh...

During adolescence, young people are busy trying to make sense of the physical changes happening to them, changes in their feelings, sexual attraction, and the desire to be in control. Just like other feelings, some oppositional behavior is perfectly normal for teenagers – after all, it’s one of the main ways that assert their independence. However, oppositional behavior can be hurtful and destructive when taken to an extreme. Just like physical pain, oppositional behavior itself can have an important function to tell the teenager that what is happening is not acceptable and that something needs to change. Having a strong desire to rebel against parents can be an early warning sign that important needs are not being met. For teens, oppositional behavior is a push towards making changes, a way of showing parents how they feel, and what they need to happen. Often times, adolescents push their parents too far, and the resulting arguments and conflict seem like childish temper tan...

If your adolescent is in trouble with the law (e.g., for possession of drugs, public intoxication, theft, etc.), then it is understandable that you feel panic-stricken. You are probably very unsure of what’s to come in terms of legal ramifications – and your teen’s future. Things will be different now for both you and your adolescent.  Below you will find some important information that will help you to understand – and deal effectively with – this situation. Being well-informed should alleviate some of the stress you’re feeling as the mother or father of a teenager in legal trouble: 1. First of all, make sure your adolescent is safe. Is he jail? Is he in a safe jail? Some communities have safe jails, other communities don’t! If it is safe, you should leave him in jail for the night to teach him a valuable lesson. If he is unsafe, get him out as soon as possible. 2. Don't hire an attorney for the small stuff (e.g., truancy, curfew violation). If it is a minor issue, th...

Adolescence is a time of storm and stress. Cultural, spiritual, and familial factors play a role in whether or not an adolescent will experiences mood swings. A teenager’s mood may suddenly shift from elation and euphoria to extreme sadness or frustration – and then on to another emotion. In some cases, mood changes are reactions to the teen’s environment or circumstances (although the intensity of the mood might seem out of proportion with the significance of the event). In other cases, mood swings may occur for no apparent reason. Most researchers agree that it is a combination of emotional and biological factors that affect an adolescent’s mood. Adolescents have not yet developed the skills to deal with the pressures, frustrations, and worries of life. As their lives become more complicated and adult-like, they don’t have the built-in coping strategies that grown-ups have developed. Thus, they are prone to react very emotionally to certain circumstances. Also, adolescents are...

If you are the parent of a defiant teenager, you probably discovered a long time ago that whenever you tell him or her "no" – it automatically turns into a power-struggle. Even the most simplest of requests can often result in very stressful parent-child conflict. As a result, many parents (in an effort to reduce their stress) find themselves “over-negotiating” with their teenager ...anything to eliminate the drama and backtalk. While negotiating is certainly an important parenting tool in many situations, if it is used to simply "keep the peace" and avoid arguments at all cost, the result is over-indulgent parenting. And unfortunately, there is nothing that feeds “defiance” more than over-indulgence. Appropriate negotiation would look like this: Your teenager feels like he should get a raise on his allowance. He recently turned 16, and feels that $15 per week is not enough. So he asks if you would be willing to go $20 per week. You come back with...

Do you remember the last time you asked your teenager to do something, and she actually followed through fairly quickly – without you having to ask a second time? If you're like most parents, you do not remember the last time this happened, because your teenager has not responded to your "first requests" in a long time. Whether its chores, homework, turning off the computer, or stopping a fight with a sibling, most parents of defiant teens find themselves forever nagging and pleading and threatening. Is it even possible to get a defiant teenager to respond to your first request? The answer is "absolutely." But it's going to take some time and effort on your part. Also, it's going to take some time for your teenager to get used to your new method. In this article, we are going to look at a simple 4-step method for getting your teen to cooperate fairly quickly. And as an added bonus, this method will also save you a lot of time and energy spent na...

As a parent, you have probably often heard the phrase "pick your battles carefully." Of course, this means that some battles should be fought, and some should be left alone. In other words, the really important matters need to be addressed (e.g., drug use), whereas some smaller issues can simply be ignored (e.g., sibling rivalry). However, there is one crucial component to "picking battles carefully," and that is prioritizing . While it is important to pick your battles carefully, it's even more important to pick them one at a time . Too often, parents attempt to address multiple behavioral issues at once. For example: Y our teenage son comes home and tells you that he has been suspended from school for two days because he cussed-out his teacher (problem #1). So you wisely state that he will be "grounded" for those two days as well. Upon hearing this, your son becomes belligerent and calls you a "bitch" (problem #2). Your reaction ...

This guy influences people to change :) What can parents do when their defiant teenagers refuse to do chores, refuse to do their homework, refuse to get home by curfew, and even refuse to go to school? The unfortunate truth is that you, as a parent, cannot MAKE your child do anything he or she doesn't want to do. If yelling, bribing, threatening, nagging and pleading changed unwanted behavior, then you wouldn't be having any parent-child conflict today. When parents have made a habit of trying to "force" behavioral changes versus trying to "influence" change, they literally create defiant behavior in their teenagers. The defiant teen will fight against all attempts made to control him or her, whether it's by parents, teachers, or any other authority figures. Thus, one of the most important things we can do is decipher what we can control – as well as what we cannot. ==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents We get into trouble on m...

The development of a positive self-esteem is extremely important to the happiness and success of adolescents. Self-esteem is how young people feel about themselves – and their behavior clearly reflects those feelings! For example, a teenager with high self-esteem will be able to tolerate frustration, take pride in her accomplishments, attempt new tasks and challenges, handle positive and negative emotions, assume responsibility, and act independently – all the traits that parents want their teens to have!!! 15 steps you can take to help your teen develop high self-esteem (and as a happy bi-product, improve his or her behavior as well): 1.  Help your adolescent learn from her mistakes. Give her constructive criticism when she attempts to resolve a particular problem, because she is taking responsibility and learning from it. When dealing with mistakes, assist your adolescent in identifying the problem, and then brainstorm solutions together. Allowing her to brainstorm with y...

If you're raising a son or daughter on your own, you're in good company. Single-parent families are more common than ever. Child-rearing can be difficult under any circumstances, but without a spouse/partner, the stakes are even higher. As a single mother or father, you probably have sole responsibility for most aspects of day-to-day child-care. This can result in added stress and fatigue. If you're too tired or distracted to be emotionally supportive or consistently discipline your youngster, behavioral problems can arise. Single-parent families also generally have lower incomes and less access to health care. Juggling work and child-care can be financially difficult and socially isolating. You might worry about the lack of a male or female parental role model for your youngster, too. How to reduce stress in your single-parent family: 1. Contradict negative stereotypes about the opposite sex. Share an example of a member of the opposite sex who doesn't fit ...

“Our teenage son is doing K12-online high school. We are seeing problems with him thinking that he is smarter than everyone else, not doing schoolwork because he thinks it is 'dumb', then lying to us when confronted by the bad grades. How should we deal with this lying issue?” One of the perpetual problems that many parents face is lying by their teens. Moms and dads will often personalize this problem and view it as a sign that their teens lack respect for them. Parents may also believe that their parental authority is being undermined when their teens distort the truth. Moms and dads need to understand that all behavior is purposeful, even the habit of lying. Some lying is a common feature of the human experience. Rather than focus on the specific lies told by their teens and the implications of those lies, parents would be well-served in trying to understand the purposes underlying their teen's need to distort the truth. When moms and dads confront their teens ...