Want Some Peace In Your House Again?

If you would finally like to:

1. Have some peace in your house again (remember what that was like?)

2. Not argue every minute of every day with your kid

3. Feel that what you do for him/her is actually appreciated

4. Stop the disrespect and verbal abuse

5. Know how to deal with problems such as disrespect, lying, stealing, truancy, and drug abuse without having to call the police to have your kid locked-up (if this hasn’t happened already!)

...then this might be the most important website you’ll ever visit:

www.MyOutOfControlTeen.com

Teenage Son is a Trouble Maker

"The main problem I have with my son Ryan is his behaviour in school, from all accounts, is disruptive in class, has got into fights in school, has been suspended on a number of occasions for smoking, being very argumentative with teachers, skipping off school, porn mags …turns up to school with no books, no homework.

When we sit down to talk about these things, he sits in front of me and either cry's or just says "I don't know" or there's a big story that the teacher was all wrong or it was some one else and no one believes him. I have punished him e.g.: grounded him, taken his cell for weeks on end, Ryan has always been giddy and is very easily detracted, I feel at times he just doesn't know how to change things around at school and they are so sick of him they have given up.

At 15 he is 6 f 6". Lets on he is full of confidence, but at home he is kind, affectionate, very witty and would do anything for you, he has a part time job working on a farm, driving all sorts of machinery, and his boss cant speak highly enough of him, finds him hard working, responsible and can use his own initiative, so why is he doing these things in school. Ryan has good grades in tech drawing, woodwork and history but all his other subjects are below average, his teachers all feel he is capable of a lot more and Ryan talks about being an architect. I hope you can point me in the right direction in helping Ryan reach his potential and become an all rounded happy kid."

For some children, behavior in school requires a positive behavior intervention plan to address the behavior. If your child's behavior is significant enough that it interferes with your child's or another child's ability to learn, you should ask your school to hold an Individualized Educational Program (IEP) meeting to develop a plan to address the behavior.

To request an IEP meeting call your special education coordinator to schedule the meeting. Send a follow-up letter to confirm your discussion. At the meeting, the IEP team, including you, should address how to assess your child's behavioral needs and what services are needed. The following is a sample letter:

Date (include month, day, and year)

Name of Your Child's Special Education Coordinator

Name of School District

Street Address

City, State, Zip Code

Dear (name of Special Education Coordinator),

I am writing to request an IEP meeting for my child (child's name). I am requesting this meeting because my child is having behaviors in school (describe the behaviors). At this meeting I would like to discuss how to address my child's behavior and development of a behavior plan for (child's name).

In addition to the regular IEP team, I am requesting that a person able to assist the IEP team in developing a plan to address (child's name)'s behavior be present at the meeting.

I can arrange to meet with you and the other members of the IEP team on (list days you are available) between (give a range of time, such as between 2:00 and 4:00). Please let me know what time would be best for you.

I look forward to hearing from you within five school days of the date you receive this letter. My daytime telephone number is (give your phone number). Thank you for your help.

Sincerely,

Your Name

Street Address

City, State, Zip Code

Daytime telephone number

Ask the school to conduct a functional behavioral assessment (FBA). Document the behavior and interventions. In order to decide how to address your child's behavior, the school must document the behavior. The school should document the type of behavior, where the behavior is occurring, what and how responses to the behavior have worked, and why the behavior is occurring. With this information, your child's IEP team can determine ways to address the behavior.

Determine how to assess the behavior. Your child's IEP team should determine how best to assess your child's behavior. Behaviors can be assessed by observation and by formal evaluation tools. Observation can confirm the accuracy of the information collected through documentation and can provide insight into why the behaviors are happening. It is important for your child's behavior to be observed and assessed in the environment where the behavior happens. Your child can be assessed by a variety of people, including teachers, special education personnel, and behavior specialists.

Determine who is qualified to assess the behavior. The IEP team should determine who is qualified to assess your child's behavior. It is simple to document where and when behavior happens, but more difficult to assess the reasons for behavior. Your child's IEP team may be capable of determining why your child is having behaviors or the team may require the assistance of a specialist in behavior. Your child's IEP team should discuss what qualifications are required to assess your child. This discussion should include the required level of behavioral expertise and knowledge about your child's disability. A person capable of assessing your child's behavior might be a "behavior specialist," a psychologist, or a Ph.D. in education or a related field.

Determine if independent assessments are available. Information on your child's behavior from sources independent of the school can help your child's IEP team determine how to address the behavior. This information can include psychological or psychiatric evaluations, information about medications, and information from your child's physician. You should decide whether to share this information with your child's IEP team. Generally, the IEP team will be able to better address your child's behaviors if the team has more information about your child and the behaviors.

If your school has conducted an evaluation of your child's behavior and you disagree with the evaluation, you may be able to pursue an independent educational evaluation (IEE) at the school's expense.

Once your child's behavior has been assessed, the IEP team should consider the results of the assessment. The individual(s) who collected data about your child's behavior should attend the meeting. You should request that the individual(s) who conducted assessment or evaluation of your child's behavior also attend the meeting. The data collector and assessor should explain the results of their assessment and their recommendations to address the behavior. From this discussion, the team should determine if a positive behavior intervention plan is needed.

If needed, a positive behavior intervention plan (BIP) should be written to address your child's behaviors. This plan can be written as goals and objectives on your child's IEP, or can be a separate plan that is attached to your child's IEP. The BIP should include positive ways to reduce your child's behaviors. This can include goals that teach your child more appropriate behaviors or modifications to your child's environment, which decrease the likelihood that behaviors will occur. In addition, the plan should include recommendations to school staff about appropriate ways to respond to your child's behaviors.

Training or inservice opportunities for staff may be included in your child's BIP. The IEP team should determine whether staff working with your child have the necessary information and training to effectively implement your child's BIP. Your special education regional resource center (SERRC) can provide information about training opportunities.

It can be helpful to have the on-going support of a behavior specialist, especially from the behavior specialist who assessed your child. This on-going support is helpful to determine if the BIP is working, and if not, to help your child's IEP team to modify the BIP. You should ask your child's school to agree to on-going involvement from the behavior specialist until your child's BIP is successfully implemented.

The goal of your child's BIP should be to reduce or eliminate the behavior so that your child can learn in school. Another goal should be to reduce or eliminate any discipline of your child. However, even with a BIP, your child may be suspended from school for behavior for short periods of time. Your school is required to follow specific procedures in disciplining a child with an IEP for more than short periods of time. If school discipline is a problem for your child, you should learn the discipline procedures.

Your child is entitled to receive an education in the least restrictive environment (LRE). This usually means in the school setting with the most opportunity possible to be with students who do not have a disability. Your child's IEP is required to address your child's behavior so that your child can receive an education in the LRE with access to and progress in the general education curriculum. Your school should not change your child's LRE because of behavior if your school has not appropriately addressed your child's behavioral needs. If your school wants to place your child in a more restrictive environment you should request an IEP meeting and ask the school to follow the steps outlined in this section.

==> Effective Disciplinary Techniques for Defiant Teens and Preteens

She doesn't seem too worried about her future...

Dear Mr. Hutten,

I am writing to ask for some advise. I should also mention that i visit your site regularly and think it is great. My daughter is 14 and has ADD, which encompasses a lot of challenges in itself. My biggest problem with her is her lack of interest in school work, goals or motivation. It's a struggle just to get her up and going every day, and even though i succeed most times, she doesn't do anything in school except socialize and roam around. She will not study, always says she doesn't have any homework until the last minute sometimes and then expects me to race around getting her supplies or letting her use the computer to throw her project together.

I have tried grounding her but she doesn’t seem to care...we live a few miles out of town so she doesn't get to go many places anyway. I don’t let her use the computer very much to try and make her earn its use, and i don’t give her an allowance because she rarely does what's expected of her in the way of respect, chores and schoolwork in order to get it. She just generally has this "i don't care" attitude about however you try and motivate her.

Please help...she is a bright girl with a loving heart but whatever anybody does for her its never enough, things are always everyone else's fault and she doesn't seem too worried about her future. I appreciate your taking the time to read this.

Sincerely,

P.A.

--------------------------

Hi P.,

I'm about to give you the #1 most difficult recommendation for parents to hear. When I tell them what I'm about to tell you, they look at me in disbelief. But here's the deal:

Those parents who follow this advice find a slight improvement in their child's academic performance. Those who don't continue to waste a lot time and energy trying to get their child to bring the grades up -- and they continue to drive a wedge between themselves and their child. Having said that, here's what I STRONGLY recommend:

CLICK HERE

He is on concerta, strattera, celexa, trazadone...

I purchased your online book: My out of control teen. My 14 yr old son has ADHD, ODD, has terrible tantrums, but mostly with his stepfather. He physically hits him. It doesn't hurt him as he is 300 lbs & my son is 105 lbs but we are becoming concerned with the violence.

When his stepdad tries to restrain him he yells quite loudly "ow, you're hurting me" so everyone in public will hear. He has yet to physically harm me, but his stepdad has told him bad things will happen if he hurts me. His father also has an anger problem (verbal), but he seldom seem\s him, but that doesn’t mean the past hasn’t rubbed off on him.

I have been divorced from his father for 7 yrs. We do have him in counseling right now for his anger, but it doesn't seem to be helping. He is also adopted so I don’t know much about his past, but his Dr’s all seem to think he was probably a drug or alcohol baby. He is getting into a lot of trouble at school, but mostly for acting out verbally. His grades are slipping. He has a special medication Dr that has monitored him since he was 5. He said he has never seen him this depressed but the behavior is still the same behavior he had at 5. His depression seems to be caused from his older sister (his only sibling) going away to college this year (or so he told the Dr).

He is on concerta, strattera, & celexa in the am & trazadone to sleep. Anyway, I am at my wits end with him. He physically exhausts me with his constant barrage of tantrums. If we say no, we pay the price. He tries to beat us down to giving in to him & if we don’t, then the barrage continues. We don’t give in to him, which is why we are so exhausted, but he just is relentless!! Any suggestions on how to deal with him?

K.A.

__________________________


Hi K.,

I’m not trying to take a shortcut with you here, but I have already addressed this in the ebook. Please refer to the Anger Management chapter of the ONLINE version of the ebook. Listen to the audio as well. If you still need clarification, we should probably schedule a phone consultation. If I answered this email in depth, I would just be repeating what I have already discussed in the Anger Management chapter.

If you’re still at a lose after reviewing the ebook, call 856-457-4883. Leave a message re: when I can return your call (include your time-zone).

Mark

www.MyOutOfControlTeen.com

We are facing some challenging times ahead...

Hi, We are facing some challenging times ahead and I would like some advice on how to handle this with our 16 year old son. We moved to the town we are in now in the U.S. about 2.5 years ago from Canada. At the time our son had just started Grade 9. We had some rough times with him refusing to do school work, not caring about school and just being very angry. Things had just turned around with him recently when his Dad's company decided to close down without much warning. His Dad won't have any trouble finding a new job but we likely will need to move again.

As you can imagine, this prospect is not going over well with our son. He is saying he wants to stay here to finish high school. Unfortunately with his past academic efforts or lack of them, he isn't doing great at school. He is in his Junior year but he is a few credits shy of graduating on schedule as he has failed a couple of semesters in 2 courses.

Also, he does not have a job and he isn't driving. How do we handle this?? Do we just insist that he come with us as he is not ready to live on his own? Do I stay behind with him until he graduates and have his Dad commute on weekends for this time?

The issue I have with this is that if our son decides to not make a real effort to pass at school he could drag out the moving indefinitely.

Do you have any suggestions on how to handle this??? Thanks in advance, C.


Click here for the answer...

Yes ...there actually is audio on the Online Version of the ebook.

Hi Mark,

We're working hard on improving things with our son.
Success is in small steps but there is definitely
improvement. Thanks for your help and for talking with
us on the phone several weeks ago.

I see from some of your comments on the blog that I
have just had access to the written book, not to the
audio book, which seems to have more information in
it.

How do I access it? I've downloaded the link that says
online book and audio book, but still don't see the
audio. Do I have to pay something extra for this?

Thanks,

J.

---------------------------------


No ...you don't have to pay extra.

1. Go to www.myoutofcontrolteen.com
2. Click on "Online Version"
3. Save to desktop
4. Open the ebook using your password

…then on each page of the Online Version you should see 3 buttons (one is a play button, one is a stop button, and one is a pause button).

The "live"audio recording of the parenting-workshop (195 minutes total time) is divided into 2 - 5 minute sections throughout the eBook. Each audio section, Power Point Presentation, and video corresponds to the accompanying text.


Mark

www.MyOutOfControlTeen.com

Stealing all the money on the debit card...

Mark, Thank you for your time. I very much appreciate your offer of a phone call. I'm actually in England so I'd have to check the charges to phone you in the States. It might be better to have an online chat. I feel a bit talked out today as we've spent the last week talking very intensely- myself and my wife- a couple of very difficult sessions with my daughter in the aftermath of her stealing all the money on the debit card. I've also talked to a few people on helplines and even a clinician from an organisation called Youngminds. It starts to get very tangled up when you go over and over the same things. I was beginning to think that things had calmed down -less arguments-she is either up in her room or out with her friends. She was disturbing our sleep every night by coming in late and of course then she'd stay in bed very late or be at work so we wouldn't see her but at least the rows had largely stopped but largely because we had stopped talking. And then she stole all this money making us feel desperate all over again. If you let me know when is a good time to contact you I would like to do so. Thanks, P. 

 __________________________ 

 

 Hi P., “Talking to” and “trying to reason with” the daughter-unit are just more traditional parenting strategies that will have little (if any) positive effect. Also, allowing her to stay out late ...and allowing her to stay in her room and sleep late are just other forms of over-indulgence. I understand that it makes things easier in the short run (to have her 'out of the way' so to speak in her room), but as you will find out (or maybe you already have found out), it makes things much more difficult in the long run. 

Mark  www.MyOutOfControlTeen.com