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Online Parent Support
My Out-of-Control Teen
Mark-
You have given us so much relief by responding to our questions. Thank you very, very much. Your ebook is great, and we can't tell you how much we appreciate your dedication to teaching parents how to deal with difficult kids, like the one we have!
B. & B.
You have given us so much relief by responding to our questions. Thank you very, very much. Your ebook is great, and we can't tell you how much we appreciate your dedication to teaching parents how to deal with difficult kids, like the one we have!
B. & B.
Will your Online Parent Support be of any assistance?
Dear Mark,
I live in Sydney Australia, and I have teenage grandchildren. Currently one granddaughter is causing great concern with her self-destructive behaviour. She is being secretive, meeting 18-year-old boys, [she is 14] lying to her mother, and showing no remorse regarding defiance, loss of personal standards, flaunting house rules, petty theft, and smoking. Will your Online Parent Support be of any assistance? She comes from a family of high achievers, with a strong Christian background, and a strong community commitment. Will your product help my daughter? She is a beautiful girl, who is always done well at school, but has turned into someone with no conscience, or sense of self-preservation. I would appreciate your feedback, & will willingly purchase your product, as this young girl is precious to us, & refuses counselling.
Regards,
H.
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Hi H.,
I have to ask:
· Do you dread what your child will do next?
· Do you often feel like you are failing as a parent?
· Do you feel helpless to correct your child’s behavior?
· Does his/her attitude make you wish YOU could run away from home?
The problems are not going to get better by themselves, and your child is not going to “grow out of it.” If the behavior problems are bothering you now, what will it be like a year from now?
If your child’s defiant behavior is running you ragged and straining your marriage …if you lie in bed at night dreading tomorrow's fighting and screaming …if your home is like a battlefield, then please don’t wait another minute to get started with my program.
The strategies in my eBook are universal, so it doesn’t matter who you are or where you live, this program will work for you.
Mark
Online Parent Support
P.S. As hard as it is to believe, your teenager actually wants to make you happy …wants your love …needs your guidance …and wants you to be proud of him/her. I’m ready to show you how to regain respect and cooperation, but you will be the one who will have to do the work.
I live in Sydney Australia, and I have teenage grandchildren. Currently one granddaughter is causing great concern with her self-destructive behaviour. She is being secretive, meeting 18-year-old boys, [she is 14] lying to her mother, and showing no remorse regarding defiance, loss of personal standards, flaunting house rules, petty theft, and smoking. Will your Online Parent Support be of any assistance? She comes from a family of high achievers, with a strong Christian background, and a strong community commitment. Will your product help my daughter? She is a beautiful girl, who is always done well at school, but has turned into someone with no conscience, or sense of self-preservation. I would appreciate your feedback, & will willingly purchase your product, as this young girl is precious to us, & refuses counselling.
Regards,
H.
``````````````
Hi H.,
I have to ask:
· Do you dread what your child will do next?
· Do you often feel like you are failing as a parent?
· Do you feel helpless to correct your child’s behavior?
· Does his/her attitude make you wish YOU could run away from home?
The problems are not going to get better by themselves, and your child is not going to “grow out of it.” If the behavior problems are bothering you now, what will it be like a year from now?
If your child’s defiant behavior is running you ragged and straining your marriage …if you lie in bed at night dreading tomorrow's fighting and screaming …if your home is like a battlefield, then please don’t wait another minute to get started with my program.
The strategies in my eBook are universal, so it doesn’t matter who you are or where you live, this program will work for you.
Mark
Online Parent Support
P.S. As hard as it is to believe, your teenager actually wants to make you happy …wants your love …needs your guidance …and wants you to be proud of him/her. I’m ready to show you how to regain respect and cooperation, but you will be the one who will have to do the work.
The money wasn’t returned so I cut his cell phone...
Hi Mark,
I would like to ask for some advice. This is just the tip of the iceberg but this is my crisis as of now. My son no.2 took his older brother's money. As a consequence I told him to give back the money by the end of the day or I will cut his cell phone. He did not return the money and denied getting it. His friends told my son no.1 that they went to the mall and son no 2 had money. He doesn't have money because he doesn’t have a job yet.
The money wasn’t returned so I cut his cell phone. Since then he is not talking to me and always give me an angry face whenever I talk to him. He even whisper "shut up" which really infuriates me, but I try to control myself from being angry. But I am sure you know how it feels.
He is 18 years old. His friends tell him that he can leave whenever he wants to. He leaves the house and sometimes comes home at 1AM. I get so worried. I talked to him and told him that if he will continue to come home after 10PM, he'd not rather stay in our house.
I love my son and I want to guide him until he finishes school, because I can see that he can’t make good decision, particularly in choosing the right friends. I know that there's no quick fix... my question is what will I do to slowly make him mellow and take that angry look everytime I look at him and start to talk to me in a respectful way.
I want to tell him that if he will be able to pay back his brother and change his ways he can have his phone back. But I am scared that he might do something wrong again to get money some money. Please help. I am a single mother and my sons have no older man model to look up to right now. BTW, it's been 3 weeks since this started.
Thank you in advance. ~ V.
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Hi V.,
You’ve mentioned 2 issues here: anger and theft. Here are few pointers--
1. Apply consequences. Parents should decide what the specific consequences are for stealing, and apply them every time stealing occurs. Parents should inform their children of these consequences before they are used. Consistency is very important.
2. Apply natural consequences. After correcting the behavior, consequences should be applied. Having to do extra chores around the house to earn the money to pay for a stolen item is an example of a natural consequence. Another example is not allowing the child who stole the candy bar to have sweets for a certain period of time.
3. Confront quickly. Just as it's important for parents not to overreact, it is also important that parents don't under-react. When parents find out that their child is stealing, they should confront and deal with the stealing immediately. The longer stealing is allowed to continue uncorrected, the more difficult it is to correct later on.
The money wasn’t returned so I cut his cell phone. Since then he is not talking to me and always give me an angry face whenever I talk to him. He even whisper "shut up" which really infuriates me, but I try to control myself from being angry. But I am sure you know how it feels.
He is 18 years old. His friends tell him that he can leave whenever he wants to. He leaves the house and sometimes comes home at 1AM. I get so worried. I talked to him and told him that if he will continue to come home after 10PM, he'd not rather stay in our house.
I love my son and I want to guide him until he finishes school, because I can see that he can’t make good decision, particularly in choosing the right friends. I know that there's no quick fix... my question is what will I do to slowly make him mellow and take that angry look everytime I look at him and start to talk to me in a respectful way.
I want to tell him that if he will be able to pay back his brother and change his ways he can have his phone back. But I am scared that he might do something wrong again to get money some money. Please help. I am a single mother and my sons have no older man model to look up to right now. BTW, it's been 3 weeks since this started.
Thank you in advance. ~ V.
```````````````````````
Hi V.,
You’ve mentioned 2 issues here: anger and theft. Here are few pointers--
1. Apply consequences. Parents should decide what the specific consequences are for stealing, and apply them every time stealing occurs. Parents should inform their children of these consequences before they are used. Consistency is very important.
2. Apply natural consequences. After correcting the behavior, consequences should be applied. Having to do extra chores around the house to earn the money to pay for a stolen item is an example of a natural consequence. Another example is not allowing the child who stole the candy bar to have sweets for a certain period of time.
3. Confront quickly. Just as it's important for parents not to overreact, it is also important that parents don't under-react. When parents find out that their child is stealing, they should confront and deal with the stealing immediately. The longer stealing is allowed to continue uncorrected, the more difficult it is to correct later on.
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4. Correct the behavior. Correcting means making some kind of restitution. For example, if a child takes a candy bar from a store, correcting would involve requiring the child to return to the store and return the candy bar (if it isn't half-eaten), or if the candy bar can't be returned, paying for the candy bar.
5. Develop a close, open relationship with children. Parents should make every effort to communicate effectively with their children. Children who are close to their parents are much more likely to take on their beliefs and values than children who don't have a close relationship with their parents.
6. Discuss and explain why stealing is wrong. Parents should make sure that their children know why stealing is wrong. Parents can point out that stealing means taking something that rightfully belongs to someone else.
7. Don't interrogate children or force them to self-incriminate. Parents should not force their children to admit to stealing. Children often lie to protect themselves. If parents aren't pretty sure that their child has stolen something, they probably should not apply consequences. Instead, they should let their child know that they are skeptical, and express hope that their child will be honest with them.
8. Don't shame children for stealing. Parents should try not to make their children feel guilty for stealing. They should also try not to call their children names, for example a thief or a liar. Such tactics can be very damaging to children's self-esteem. Instead, parents should let their children know that they are disappointed in their children's behavior, but this does not mean that they are bad people.
9. Help children find ways of earning their own money. Parents should make sure that their children have some sort of regular income. If children have money of their own to spend as they wish, they will be more likely to buy what they want instead of stealing it. Children can earn money by doing chores around the house, etc.
10. Label the behavior. It is very important that parents call the behavior exactly what it is. For example, parents shouldn't call taking (without permission) what doesn't belong to one's self as "borrowing." Children who are able to understand the concept of ownership should be told that they are "stealing" when they take something that does not belong to them.
11. Model appropriate behavior. Parents should set a good example for their children by asking before they borrow things, by not taking things that don't belong to them, and by being open and honest.
12. Praise and reward honest behavior. Parents should make every attempt to praise their children for being honest. The more parents praise their children's honesty, the more likely they will continue to be honest in the future.
4. Correct the behavior. Correcting means making some kind of restitution. For example, if a child takes a candy bar from a store, correcting would involve requiring the child to return to the store and return the candy bar (if it isn't half-eaten), or if the candy bar can't be returned, paying for the candy bar.
5. Develop a close, open relationship with children. Parents should make every effort to communicate effectively with their children. Children who are close to their parents are much more likely to take on their beliefs and values than children who don't have a close relationship with their parents.
6. Discuss and explain why stealing is wrong. Parents should make sure that their children know why stealing is wrong. Parents can point out that stealing means taking something that rightfully belongs to someone else.
7. Don't interrogate children or force them to self-incriminate. Parents should not force their children to admit to stealing. Children often lie to protect themselves. If parents aren't pretty sure that their child has stolen something, they probably should not apply consequences. Instead, they should let their child know that they are skeptical, and express hope that their child will be honest with them.
8. Don't shame children for stealing. Parents should try not to make their children feel guilty for stealing. They should also try not to call their children names, for example a thief or a liar. Such tactics can be very damaging to children's self-esteem. Instead, parents should let their children know that they are disappointed in their children's behavior, but this does not mean that they are bad people.
9. Help children find ways of earning their own money. Parents should make sure that their children have some sort of regular income. If children have money of their own to spend as they wish, they will be more likely to buy what they want instead of stealing it. Children can earn money by doing chores around the house, etc.
10. Label the behavior. It is very important that parents call the behavior exactly what it is. For example, parents shouldn't call taking (without permission) what doesn't belong to one's self as "borrowing." Children who are able to understand the concept of ownership should be told that they are "stealing" when they take something that does not belong to them.
11. Model appropriate behavior. Parents should set a good example for their children by asking before they borrow things, by not taking things that don't belong to them, and by being open and honest.
12. Praise and reward honest behavior. Parents should make every attempt to praise their children for being honest. The more parents praise their children's honesty, the more likely they will continue to be honest in the future.
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13. Provide adequate supervision. Parents should make sure that they know what their children are up to. Children who are not monitored closely by their parents tend to be more likely to steal and to engage in other problem behaviors.
14. Remain calm. When parents discover that their child has stolen something it is very important that they don't overreact. Parents should keep in mind that all children take things that don't belong to them at one time or another.
15. Teach appropriate ways of getting what one wants. Parents should teach their children how to get what they want without stealing. For example, parents can suggest that children ask for things they want, save up their money to buy the things they want, etc.
16. Teach ownership. While children are very young it is a good idea for parents to begin teaching their children what ownership means. Parents can explain that people have a right to their own property, and that it is wrong to take something that belongs to someone else.
17. Understand why the behavior occurred. Different children steal for different reasons. Because of this, it is important for parents to try to find out why their children steal. Asking a child why he or she has stolen something will probably not give parents the answers they need.
Hope this helps...
Mark
13. Provide adequate supervision. Parents should make sure that they know what their children are up to. Children who are not monitored closely by their parents tend to be more likely to steal and to engage in other problem behaviors.
14. Remain calm. When parents discover that their child has stolen something it is very important that they don't overreact. Parents should keep in mind that all children take things that don't belong to them at one time or another.
15. Teach appropriate ways of getting what one wants. Parents should teach their children how to get what they want without stealing. For example, parents can suggest that children ask for things they want, save up their money to buy the things they want, etc.
16. Teach ownership. While children are very young it is a good idea for parents to begin teaching their children what ownership means. Parents can explain that people have a right to their own property, and that it is wrong to take something that belongs to someone else.
17. Understand why the behavior occurred. Different children steal for different reasons. Because of this, it is important for parents to try to find out why their children steal. Asking a child why he or she has stolen something will probably not give parents the answers they need.
Hope this helps...
Mark
Stop The Bully
In a recent national survey of students in grades 6 to 10, 13 percent reported bullying others, 11 percent reported being the target of bullies, and another 6 percent said they bullied others and were bullied themselves. Surveys indicate that as many as half of all children are bullied at some time during their school years, and at least 10% are bullied on a regular basis.
The librarians are naturally placid people...
Hello Mark,
I have just visited your website and see that the advice is for parents of angry teens. I have a client who runs a public library and therefore has a problem with other peoples' teens! A group of teenagers come into the library on a daily basis. They are noisy, obnoxious to other library users, and refuse to leave when asked. They take up all the computers and will not let anyone else use them. People are now starting to stay away from the library and it is getting a reputation for 'being the place NOT to go to'. The librarians are naturally placid people and it is upsetting them very much. They do not want to resort to security guards or the police. Do you have any suggestions that might help them?
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Would it be possible for the library to come up with a set of "house rules" (i.e., post a set of rules re: time limit on computers, noise level, etc.)? When visitors violate a rule, they get one warning. If the warning is ignored, they receive a fine (50 cents - 1 dollar). If they refuse to pay the fine, they are not allowed in the library until the fine is paid. ==> Here's where the library will have to involve authorities. Involving the authorities WILL happen sooner or later - probably by default – they’ll lose business otherwise.
Recommendation: Get a retiree to work part time as a security guard (e.g., after school).
…welcome to the 21st century,
Mark
Online Parent Support
Older Son Sexually Assaults Younger Brother
"Can you please help me out? My ex called me last week and told me that my older son has sexually assaulted my younger son. The older one is 12 and the younger on is 8. I have been looking online today for some help and what I need to do about it. Yes, on Monday I am going to call for some counseling for him. Can you please help me out? I just need to know what to do and how to talk with him. Just to let you know, the boys do not live together. The younger son lives with mom and the older lives with me. I don’t want anything bad to happen to my kids and this is very hard to deal with."
First of all, don't panic. Adolescent sex offenders are considered to be more responsive to treatment than adult offenders and do not appear to continue re-offending into adulthood, especially when provided with appropriate treatment. But, they need to be subjected to the normal juvenile probation supervision requirements.
Adolescent sex offenders sometimes attempt to copy scenes they have seen in pornography media and usually use verbal coercion rather than violence and aggression to obtain compliance of their victims. Treatment centers for youthful sex offenders have mushroomed (both inpatient and outpatient). The rising incidence of sexual crimes by children against children is no longer America's best-kept family secret.
Typically sex offenders are lonely and socially isolated from peers; they prefer the company of younger children; they are naive and lack suitable sex education; and they frequently experience disturbed family relations. This lack of stability and consistency, confusion about one's own sexual identity, and a real sense of powerlessness in the family combine to cause real problems.
If you don’t report this incident to authorities, your ‘cover-up’ WILL create more problems than it solves – guaranteed. So, please consult your juvenile probation - today!
==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents
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