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Examples of oppositional behavior in the child: When told “Turn your cell phone off while you’re at the dinner table,” the defiant child may turn it off, and then turn it back on. When given the direction “Lower your voice,” the child may speak in a lower tone, but use the same volume. When given the direction “Pull your chair up to the table,” the child may bring the chair up, but then sit on the floor. Parent’s Strategy: Teach the difference between the letter and the spirit of the law: Generally, when faced with the “loophole finding” child, parents will try to become more precise in their language or to add additional rules. Rather than trying to plug the loopholes, give your defiant child a lesson that teaches the difference between the “letter of the law” and the “spirit of the law.” Unless your youngster has a language impairment, he knows what you mean and is merely testing the limits. In your lesson, you can give examples of statements a parent might make, and t...

Dear Mark, I have recently "joined the program" and have seen an overall improvement. I have 3 daughters aged 18 (now left school & unemployed after going to live with her father several months ago because he does not have any boundaries), 17 (major issues see below) and 10. The children's father consumes alcohol in excess, which contributed to his lack of supervision. Separated/divorced 4 yrs ago and my 17yo went to live with her father over 12 months ago where she was basically unsupervised until crisis this April including alcohol & Marijuana use, shoplifting, running away etc. I now have court orders to stop her running back there when I placed boundaries on her. She is under care of mental health team (initially depressed now behaviour issues) and she has been attending appts. She keeps saying that she would rather live in a foster home than live with me (in a comfortable home). I remove privileges of computer, bedroom door, phone, iPod, ...

Question I have a question about my 17 year old. With all the issues we have been having with her over this past 1.5 years, I definitely have a hard time trusting her anymore. Things seemed like they were starting to come around and I was letting go a bit of the feelings of mistrust. Then, yesterday I cleaned my daughter's room as she was at work and we are trying to sell our house and had a showing. We only get 2-3 hours notice so there are many times I have to clean her room so it's ready for showing. She knows this and also knows that if she doesn't do it herself, it has to get done so I will be in there cleaning. Everything was fine until she got home and went into her room and come out hollering at me and asking me what I did with her Sleep Eze pills. I know she has been purchasing them once in awhile as she has been having problems sleeping. I never touched them nor saw them. She started acting almost panicky and started looking through my things th...

“What biological factors (if any) are involved with a child who acts-out frequently?” Considerable research has been carried out into the role of child temperament (i.e., the tendency to respond in predictable ways to events) as a predictor of conduct problems. Aspects of the personality (e.g., activity levels displayed by a youngster, emotional responsiveness, quality of mood and social adaptability) are part of his or her temperament. Studies have found that although there is a relationship between early patterns of temperament, and adjustment during adulthood, the longer the time span the weaker this relationship becomes. A more important determinant of whether or not temperamental qualities persist has been shown to be the manner in which moms and dads respond to their kids. "Difficult" infants have been shown to be especially likely to display behavior problems later in life if their parents are impatient, inconsistent, and demanding. ==> Effective Di...

“My 14 y.o. son’s behavior has taken a major turn for the worse. My husband and I have recently separated and are making plans to divorce. Could there be a connection between my son’s erratic behavior and the fact that his dad has left?” The inter-parental conflicts surrounding divorce have been associated with defiant behavior in teenagers affected by the break-up. However, although some single parents and their kids become chronically depressed and report increased stress levels after separation, others do relatively well. For some single parents, the events surrounding separation and divorce set off a period of increased depression and irritability which leads to loss of support and friendship, setting in place the risk of more irritability, ineffective discipline, and poor problem-solving outcomes. The ineffective problem solving can result in more depression, while the increase in irritable behavior may simultaneously lead the teen to become rebellious and antisocial. ...

"My seventeen year old daughter is so very angry. She is involved with drugs and has gotten in some legal trouble as well. She is verbally abusive to me and to my husband who is her stepfather. The problem is that other times she is a joy to be around. She is funny, and very bright and creative. I wonder if she may have a psychological problem or may be an opposition defiant child. Not sure what to think right now." How can a parent tell the difference between normal rebellion and the signal that an adolescent is troubled? Ask yourself these two questions: 1. Is this behavior change drastic for my adolescent? Normal rebellious behavior develops over time, beginning with an adolescent wanting to be with friends more and disagreeing with moms and dads more frequently. Problem rebellion is sudden and drastically out of character. For example, a normally rebellious "A" student may get a few "Bs" and cut a class or two, but if he suddenly starts fai...

"My son has Oppositional Defiant Disorder and ADHD. Should I give his teacher (and tutor) some strategies to deal with him in the classroom (starts on Mon.)? If so, what can I tell her?" Yes, definitely give the teacher some ideas to deal with your son effectively. The school can be a great ally in keeping your youngster with Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) safe and successful in the classroom, but you will need to make sure that the teachers have all the knowledge they need to help. Use the suggestions below to create an information sheet to bring teachers “up to speed.” 23 Things Your ODD Child’s Teachers Should Know -- Information Sheet: Allow sharp demarcation to occur between academic periods, but hold transition times between periods to a minimum. Allow my child to redo assignments to improve his score or final grade. Ask me, his mother, what works at home. Avoid “infantile” materials to teach basic skills. Materials should be positive and relevan...