The "Grief Cycle" that Many Parents of Defiant Teenagers Experience

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Would you suggest any further contact?

Here's an email from a mother whose 17-year-old son is "on the run." He has a drug habit, and is basically floating from one living arrangement to another. This mother sent her son a letter inviting him to Christmas Eve dinner: ________ Hi Mark, Sent letter to my son. He would have received it on Friday. In it I also expressed your advise. I have also invited him to join all our family for Christmas Eve dinner. It is Monday. Would you suggest any further contact? If yes when? Or do you think I should wait until he contacts us? Christmas Eve is in 6 days. It's frustrating when we don't have the answers ourselves anymore. What do you suggest? ________ Hi M., The main goal is for (a) your son to start taking responsibility for himself, and (b) for you to take less responsibility in order to achieve (a). Whenever you are undecided about what to say or do, ask yourself the question, "Is what I"m about to say or do going to promote the development of self-rel...
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He then grabbed me very hard by the arms, pushed me down on my bed and held me there...

Hi Mark, It's odd to me that just after I emailed you for the certificate, we had a meltdown here in our house. Things have been going so smoothly for several months, and now this happened. I hope you have time to read this. Please tell me if you have any pointers for this matter. Here is the story...my son, D, 15 years old, has a history of sometimes, not each time, physically attacking me when he is in one of his rages. Tonight, we were having a pleasant conversation, enjoying each other's company. Somehow, it turned sour when he continued on some trivial topic I can't even remember now. I told him to leave my room over an over again. At first we were just playing around, but he kept being very, very annoying. I told him about 3 times to leave, and I then said, if you don't leave my room, you will need to give me your phone. He still didn't leave, so I said, ok, give me your phone. He then just snapped. He began freaking out, screaming and yelling a...
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"Should I tell him that I'm not his biological father?"

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Hello Mr. Hutten, I have a question for you. I have a 14 year old step son who does not know that I am not his biological father. His mother and I have been separated for 9 years. I get him and his brother, who is my biological son, three times a week. I have had this visitation arrangement with their mother for the entire 9 years. I met the boy when he was 8 months old, and he really has no idea I am not his biological father. That said, the boy treats me with no respect, gets into trouble and generally makes the time I have with him and his brother a nightmare. I could go on, but I am sure you can imagine what I have been going through. My question-- Should I tell him that I am not his biological father? I really want to tell him because I do not think he appreciates exactly how good I have been to him. I spend a lot of time being angry at him and I think if he knew the real situation he might have a little more gratitude. Please let me know what your prof...
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